Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead

Hi Dr JoQueta here

Today we are going to get vulnerable!! Being present for ourselves and our family is so important. In starting off 2020, is a great reminder of the what comes when we are fully present. Many times that comes from surrendering. Letting go of things we can't control.

I am going to be sharing my take aways from Tosha Silver, Outrageous Openness, Letting the Divine Take the Lead.

This book was recommended to me by a friend and fellow mom who has a child living with Autism. I was drawn to this book, just by the title. Outrageous Openness, Letting the Divine Take the Lead. What an amazing idea!

As I read on, Tosha talked about while working with people for several decades, she saw the same trends and got asked the same questions of,

How do I stop worrying?

How do I feel safe?

Why do I feel so alone?

I could relate all of these questions to a time in my life when my circumstances caused me to be very unsure.

I then thought of the word SURRENDER and what does surrender means to me. I best came to know the meaning of this word on a personal level when I was an adult.

I grew up in a very strict Southern Baptist home in Tulsa, Ok. With that there were good and bad points. The bad was that I grew up thinking God is all about Thou Shalt Not.

While I was taught the lessons of the Bible and God is love, I followed God more out of fear and guilt than Love and understanding.

It wasn’t until my adult life that I truly came to know the love of God in my soul.

I married my high school sweetheart, the pastors’ kid. Everything was supposed to be okay because I had done the right thing, the safe thing. At least that is what I had rationalized in my mind. But it was far from okay. It was one of the darkest times in my life when my marriage of 15 years finally came to an end.

I was married to someone for 15 years, but I didn’t have a marriage

with that person for than a year maybe 2.

The marriage was full of deceit and abuse. I was told by my pastor, father-in-law at the time, if you will just remain the quiet faithful wife, God will honor you and your marriage.

What he was really saying is shut up and don’t expose all the secrets that exist here and if you don’t address the white elephant in the room, maybe it will go away.

That wasn’t the kind of life God intended for me or my children. I had made the conscious decision to stay and hold on to what was a skeleton of a marriage.

It wasn’t until I learned about true surrender that I really felt and knew the love of God.

Literally one night in my car sitting in front of the ocean, I said out loud,

God if you made this huge body of water and you watch over all the life that lives in it, surely you care about me too.

I can’t live this life anymore. I don’t know what my future looks like, but I know I can’t stay where I am one day longer. I surrender my whole life to you. Take it and whatever you want to do with my life I will accept it and I will follow it.

I then began to write out what I wanted in a family and a relationship and released that to God as well.

There was a dramatic shift in my life from that day forward. There were times, that it wasn’t easy, but I learned to surrender and the love of God took over my life when I did surrender.

I became the mom of not just 3 children, but 2 more wonderful boys who have blessed my life in ways I couldn’t even have known to pray for.

I married a man I adored! A very loving man who was already the father to 2, but took on the role of being a father to 5.

I love the country song, He Dad He Didn’t Have to Be by Brad Paisley,

In that song it says, he was the dad that he didn’t have to be. That is my husband.

He became the father he didn’t have to be.

I gained a relationship that was everything I had prayed and more.

When I look back on that situation, I think, ”why did I have to make it so hard? God had a better plan along. Why did I have to hang on so long, when all I needed to do was release it and let the Divine take the lead, as Tosh Silver so eloquently titled her book.

You can’t go through life by yourself. You can’t!!

It is too hard, and you will not survive. You have to have hope and you have to know there is something bigger and greater out there leading you.

As I read Tosha Silver’s book, I was reminded of the power of surrender and letting the Divine truly take the lead.

I use her book as a constant resource because there are not only stories that make the book come to life, but montras, and prayers that can be used on a daily basis to stay in a place of release and gratitude.

One exercise that she suggests when things are presented to you negatively, is to use the phrase, without God. For instance, if someone says, it is impossible to find the right job in this economy,

finish that phrase without God.

Or something as simple as, you will never be able to find parking, add without God.

What a great and simple way on a daily basis to put the divine first in our life and truly let him lead the way.

She also suggests, turning your time over to God. For instance, drive or walk to some place that you have never been before and say, “I offer this afternoon over to You. Please bring what’s most healing and necessary". Again, let the Divine lead the way to what you should experience in that moment.

My favorite of all chapters is the one titled Radical Release. In this chapter she introduces the Sanskirt word aparagraha which means nongrasping. She goes on to explain that aparagraha means moving through the world with an open mind and open heart.

So many times in the Western model we are chasing, roping and branding our desires for dear life, instead of moving through life with an open heart and an open mind.

The prayer she ended the chapter with is

Let what wants to come, come. Let what wants to go, go. If it mine, it will stay. If not, whatever is better will replace it.

This is true surrender!

My kids had been trying to talk me into getting a tattoo with them. I was adamantly against putting ink on my body. I had always said, what could I possibly need to remember so badly that I would have it inked into my skin. After reading this passage I had a change of heart. I do need to be reminded of having an open heart and open mind on a daily basis and probably will need to be remind for the rest of my life. So, 3 of my children and myself went together and had aparagraha, tatooed on the inside of our left foot.

One last final thought from Tosha Silver, she says, maybe when you no longer need anything, you can have everything. And when you stop trying to make things happen, anything can happen.

Remember to seek the good in life and the beauty in each day.

Thank you for joining me on this journey!!! Sending you many blessings for 2020!!